I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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