I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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