I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize