We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
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We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
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My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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