and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize