end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
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Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
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Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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