dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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