He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
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I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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