I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
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is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
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I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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