I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize