im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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