One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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