A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
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You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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