Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize