shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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