I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
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We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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