I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We smell like vodka and hangover
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