my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize