i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
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My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
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A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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