12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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