A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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