So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
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Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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