Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize