I wish I could punch you in the face.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
And then my night got REAL pukey
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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