I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize