But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
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Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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