Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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