Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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