she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
