I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
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The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
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We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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