you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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