uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
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She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
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I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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