I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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