Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize