like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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