Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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