can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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