so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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