ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize