Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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