i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
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I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
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It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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