Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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