i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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