True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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