What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
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I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
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finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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