Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize