Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
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you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
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You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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