porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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