i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize