Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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