Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
