He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Randomize
